The Hangover: Fairy Tail Style
by FiendishNinja
Summary: The Hangover Part 1 with Fairy Tail Characters. Self Explanatory (I hope). M for language and situations.
1. Chapter 1

_Hey, you've reached Natsu, sorry I missed your call, just leave your name and number and I'll make sure to get back to you after this mission._

Lucy cursed. She wasn't used to her fiance not picking up his phone. Something just felt wrong. Maybe it was the fact that her wedding was in a couple of hours and the groom, along with his wedding party, were nowhere to be found.

_Hi, you've reached Dr. Levy McGarden from Yale University, please leave a message after the beep, and I promise to get back to you as soon -_

Lucy huffed and hung up the phone. This was getting her nowhere. She had hoped sending Levy along with them to the bachelor party would help keep them, especially Cana, under control. She needed to find them, fast. She tried Gray.

_Hey, it's Gray, just leave me a message. Or don't. Just do me a favor: Don't text me. It's gay._

"Anything?" Lucy turned around to see her mother standing beside her, in a beautiful gown.

"I tried them all again. It keeps going straight to voicemail. Something's wrong, I just know it," Lucy fretted, throwing the phone onto the chair in the dressing room.

"Sweetie, they went to Vegas. You lose track of time there. There's no windows, no clocks, nothing. One of them is probably on a heater. You never walk away from the table when you're on a heater," Mr. Heartfilia spoke up from the couch, putting the magazine down to search for something else to read.

"You do if you're getting married," his wife spoke up, running the comb through her daughter's hair again. Then Lucy's cell phone rang.

Lucy snatched it off the chair, "Hello?"

"Lucy? It's Gray." Came the voice from the other end.

"Gray, where the fuck are you guys. I'm freaking out over here. The wedding is in 5 and a half hours," Lucy leaned over the table, all eyes on her.

"Uh, yeah, listen," Gray let out a deep breath. Lucy could tell something was wrong by the tone of his voice, "We fucked up."

A look of anger crossed her face, "What the hell are you talking about. Don't fuck with me right now Snowflake." Juvia shot up at that comment.

"Look, the bachelor party, the whole night, everything. Things got outta control," she pushed an agitated Juvia away from her.

In the background she could hear Juvia saying "Do not call Gray-sama Snowflake. Just allow Juvia to speak with Gray-sama. Juvia will sort this out. Gray-sama!"

Then Gray said it, "Lucy, we lost Natsu."

Everything else disappeared. Her vision turned red. She took a deep breath, and quietly murmured one word into the phone, "What."

"Yeah, Lucy, we can't find Natsu. He's gone."

"What do you think you're saying, Gray? We're getting married in five hours," Everyone in the room quieted down. The tone of her voice was sharp enough for Gray to sculpt his ice with.

"Yeah, well, that's not gonna happen,"

Two Days Earlier

"To the left a little, please. Thank you," the short woman kneeled next to Cana, holding out a measuring tape. She wrapped it around her ample sized chest.

"Hey there!" Cana shouted, pushing the small woman away, and hugging her breasts.

"It's okay, Cana. Lisanna here just has to make sure the dress will fit you. We wouldn't want anything to go wrong during the wedding, now would we?" Mr. Heartfilia, Cana's adoptive father, asked.

"Well she's coppin' a nice feel while she does it," Cana objected, while Lisanna took the measurements she needed.

"There we go! All done Cana. Your dress should be ready by tomorrow morning." Lisanna turned to go.

"Thank you, Lisanna. I truly do appreciate this. Just make sure you don't skimp out on your own dress!" Mr. Heartfilia laughed his loud, boisterous laugh.

"Yes, sir. I'll make sure to do that. Or not to?" Lisanna's face was flushed, "Oh, I don't know, sir, I will make sure not to skimp out on my own dress. Thank you very much!" and with that, she ran out the door.

Natsu walked in, "What has her in such a rush to get outta here?"

"She has to go fuck herself while the memory of my tits is still in her mind. While she can still feel them in her hands," Cana answered, looking around for her sake bottle.

Mr. Heartfilia sighed, "Actually, she has to go fix Cana's dress. The tailor made it too tight in the chest area. Anyhoo, I think I'll leave you two to prepare for the trip. Goodbye, Natsu. Cana," and with that he followed Lisanna out the door.

"You all ready to go?" Natsu asked Cana, who was bent over looking for the sake.

"Y'know, Natsu, I've been thinkin' 'bout the trip. Ah, here it is," she took a swig from the sake bottle she picked up from behind the sofa, "If you guys wanna go to Vegas without me, that's totally cool."

"Huh? C'mon Cana, what are you talkin about?" Natsu looked at her with a bewildered expression.

"Well, Gray 'n' Levy are your buddies, and it's your bachelor party, 'nd I know I'm not always the person erryone wants to have around. Besides, one woman at a bachelor party is weird. Two? When only four people, including the groom, are going? That's a little sketchy." Cana's voice faded as her list increased in number.

"Cana! Those two love you, and I can invite whoever i want, thank you very much." Natsu interrupted.

"I-I just don' wan' you guys to think you gotta hold back 'cause your wife's sis is there," Cana drained the rest of the bottle, and threw it on the ground with the others. She immediately started looking for another.

"It's not like -" Natsu dodged the empty sake bottles Cana threw out of her way, "I told you, Cana, It's not like that. Ok? We're just spending the night in Vegas, no big deal. Besides, you're not just my wife's sister, you're my sister now." Natsu adjusted his muffler.

Cana lifted a half empty bottle to her lips, "I want you to know, Natsu, I'm your vault of secrecy. Whatever happens, tonight, or anynight, I will never ever ever speak a word of it. To anyone. No matter what," she took a swig.

"Okay. I got it. Thank you, Cana. I don't think that's nec-" Natsu stopped as Cana stepped closer to him.

"Seriously. I don't care what happens. I don't care if we kill someone," She drained the rest of this bottle right in front of his face.

"What?" was the only reaction Natsu could muster.

"You heard me. It's Sin City," Cana dropped the bottle, "I won't tell a soul."

"Okay, I got it," Natsu nodded his head nervously, "Thank you for that, Cana, I -"

She pulled him into a tight hug, "No, thank you, Natsu. Thank you. I love you man"

The close bodily contact reminded Natsu of what his new sister's favorite attire was: A blue bikini top and cargo pants. Natsu blushed furiously, trying to push her away. "Aha! I told you," Mr. Heartfilia suddenly cried, bursting in the room, Lucy following closely behind.

Natsu's face turned even redder as he stammered something about 'it's not what it looks like', although his hands on Cana's hips weren't helping anything. Cana giggled and let go of Nastu as Lucy chastised, "Oh, stop it Dad. You take things way too far."

"I suppose. And Cana, put down that bottle. Just because you are drunk all the time does not mean you're always sober," He grabbed Cana's arm, "and let's leave these two lovebirds to have a little chat before the trip to Vegas."

"Yes Daddy." Cana replied, picking up another sake bottle to join the one she already had before leaving with her adoptive father.

He scolded her again, "You drunkard. Put those bottles down!"

They could hear the conversation down the hall, as Cana responded, "Of course Daddy."

Lucy, who was about to close the door, gave her father a berating look. He sighed, "Oh Cana, come back here. Sake is wonderful, isn't it? Lets go to the sunroom to have a drink."

Lucy locked the door, "Can you believe it? Only two more days."

"Ugh, I know. You getting nervous?" Natsu teased, leaning against the armrest of the couch, "You wanna back out?"

"Shut up," Lucy said, silencing him with a kiss.

Natsu groaned appreciatively, "Y'know, I don't need to go to Vegas. It's dumb."

Lucy leaned back from his grasp, "It's not dumb! It's one night. Have fun. You deserve it. Always working, going on missions, you get some time off."

"I know, but the wedding is in two days. We shoulda gone last weekend. There's so much to do, I think I'm just gonna cancel," Natsu pulled her back in.

She looked him dead in the eyes, "She'll never admit it, but my sister packed her bag two weeks ago. You're not cancelling. "

Natsu looked skeptical, "Really? Two weeks?"

"Yeah, she's excited. Thanks again for inviting her, by the way," Lucy kissed him on the nose.

"You don't need to thank me. Shes a cool gal," Natus looked around at all the sake bottles on the floor of the dressing room.

"It's not nothing, and she's not a cool gal. So thank you," Lucy kissed him again. She squealed as Natsu pulled her down to the couch with him.

Natsu carried his bags out to his car, where Cana and Mr. Heartfilia were waiting. Mr. Heartfilia turned to him with a knowing smirk, "I hope you had a nice goodbye, because you won't be seeing her again until the day of the wedding."

Natsu was taken by surprise, "Uh... What? Won't I see her tomorrow night? Y'know, the day before the wedding?

"Oh, you know how women are. Keep the wedding dress a secret from groom, no contact the night or morning before, superstitions and all that, Mr. Heartfilia answered, taking Cana's sake bottle away.

"But, I helped her pick out a wedding dress, we're sharing a hotel suite, and I'm taking her out to breakfast that morning."

Mr. Heartfilia patted Natsu on the back as he dropped his bags by the trunk,"Oh, really? I guess not then, old sport!" he laughed then winked, "Still, it sounded like you two had a nice goodbye."

Natsu quickly tried to change the subject, "Well, Mr. Heartfilia, thanks again for everything you're doing. I really appreciate this."

"Yeah, okay, you love us, we love you, everyone's happy. Terrific. Now talk to me about Vegas," Mr. Heartfilia said, pulling Natsu over to the side of the garage.

"Um, well, it should be pretty mellow, do some gambling, maybe catch some rays, have a few laughs, the works," Natsu said, Mr. Heartfilia nodding in agreement.

"Yeaaaahh, have some laughs, I gotcha. How ya getting out there?"He asked, cocking his head to the side.

"We're gonna drive, take my car. Gonna go pick up my friends after this."

"Prius? You're taking a prius to Vegas? When you got to Vegas, you gotta go to Vegas in style." Mr. Heartfilia said, opening the door to the garage, revealing a brand newAudi R8 Spyder.

"What? No, really? Mr. Heartfilia, I couldn't," Natsu put his hands up, abcking away from the car.

"Oh, stop with that. We're family now. So you can call me Jude. And take the car to Vegas. It's just a car. Only, make sure you get some armorall for the tires, so the sand won't seep in. And don't let Cana drive. She'll be drunk. Or Gray either. I don't like him," Mr. Heartfilia threw the keys towards Natsu, "Now go, young man, and find your destiny."

"You got it sir, ah, Jude. I will be the only one to drive this car. And don't worry about the Armorall, that's easy. But I'm pretty sure I won't find my destiny in Vegas, just saying," Natsu opened the door to the red convertible and stepped in.

"Don't worry about that. I have no idea what i was saying. Just go and have fun. And remember what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas," Mr. Heartfilia gave Natsu another wink. Then thought, "well except for herpes. That shit'll come back with you."

"Yes, Jude, I sure will. And don't worry, I won't get herpes," Natsu sped out to where Cana was sitting, by his car, with their bags.  
Cana let out a low whistle, "Lookie at what you got!" She threw the bags in the trunk, and hopped in the front seat next to Natsu, "Let's go! To VEGAS!"

"Slow down there cowgirl. We gotta go get Gray and Levy first," He punched te gas and sped off to the school where Gray worked.

The school bell rang. The students in the classroom all stood up and got ready to leave. Their teacher, a young man with jet black hair and dark blue eyes, called out over the noise "Hey! I still need some of your permission slips! and $90 for the field trip to the ice sculpting convention. It's a once in a lifetime opportunity! You don't want to miss it! Pay now or forever regret missing out!" he began collecting envelopes with cash and permission slips as studnets filed out of his room. One student tried slipping out without handing him anything. He stopped her, "Woah, Chelia, what gives, no trip?"

"Sorry Mr. Fullbuster, my sister won't give me the money. she says I'm grounded." Chelia turned to go again.

"Well uh, hold on Chelia. How much you got on you?" Mr. Fullbuster asked, thinking fast.

"I don't know, twenty bucks?"

"Alright, how about you give me that, and I'll cover the rest."

"Really?"

"Well, we can talk about it, and I'll call up Jenny later, but give me the twenty now so I know that you're serious," Mr. Fullbuster held out his hand.

Chelia gave him the money, "Awesome, you're the best, Mr. Fullbuster."

As soon as she left, he pulled an enveloped labelled 'VEGAS' out of his desk drawr. he began pulling the cash out of all the envelopes that the students had given him and put ti all in the Vegas envelope, then he rushed out the door. Parked right in front of the school waiting fo him was Natsu in the bright red brand new r8.

"Holy Shit! Natsu, that's a nice ass car." Gray shouted across the schoolyeard.

One kid walked up to Gray, trying to show him a piece of paper, "uh, mir. Fullbuster

Gray held up one hand, not even turning to face the kid, "It's the weekend, Rouge, i do not know you and you do not know me," He threw his bag in the back of the car and jumped over the door, "Natsu get going before one more of these nerds asks me a question."

"Don't hurt this car, Frosty, or i break every bone in your body," Natsu threatened.

"Ha! I'd like to see you try Fireball," Gray challenged.

"Hey, uh, guys, can we get outta here? I'm not supposed to be wihtin 200 feet of a school, and you guys are startin' to attract some attention," Cana inturrupted looking at the small semicircle beginning to form around their car, students pointing and whispering about a fight about to break out involving one of their teachers, "and Gray, put your shirt back on."

"Fuck! Why does this shit have to happen by the school too!" Gray hurridly picked his shirt up off the seat next to him, then turned back to Cana, "Who is this chick anyway?"

"She's Cana, Lucy's adopted sister." Natsu answered, pulling away from the school.

"Yeah man. I met you like four times," Cana took another swig of her sake, before offering a bottle to Gray.

"Sorry cutie, I can't believe i forgot someone as pretty as you," Gray hatook the bottle from her. Cana giggled and Natsu shook his head, driving on to Levy's house.

"Don't forget your razor!" A deep voice sounded throughout the house, "I can totally tell when you haven't been shaving! You start smelling like shit!"

"Razor, check."

"And don't forget to use it either!"

"Using the razor, check."

"Make sure you call me as soon as you get to the hotel, not like that time when you went to Washington D.C."

"I was the keynote speaker, and I was late to the podium. The president himself sent the secret service to come and escort me so I would arrive in a timely manner.

"Still?"

"Yes, you're totally right. My fault. I'm sorry," Levy reached up for a hug, but Droy's thick arms pushed her slight frame aside as he moved into their living room to sit on the couch.

"What is the matter?" Levy asked, worried.

"Nothing. Because I know you're not going to be going anywhere with Gray or Natsu while you're out. Not to any strip club, at least. Or a bar. Or a club. Or any casinos. Or even to the convenience store." Droy dropped himself onto couch in front of the T.V..

"Droy, we're going to Nappa Valley. I don't even think they have any of those htings in Wine Country." She sat down next to him, handing him his soda and bag of chips.

"Well, if there is, I know Gray will just sniff it out."

"It's not going to be like that, I promise." Levy tried to hold his hand, but he snatched it away and grabbed the remote, "Besides, you know i don't like any of that stuff. And Gray is much more mature than that."

Droy switched onto ABC, "Well, you'd better make sure that -"

Suddenly, his voice was drowned out by Gray's from outside, who was shouting at the top of his lungs, "PAGING DOCTOR SLUTFACE! PAGING DOCTOR SLUTFACE!"

Everything was immediately silent. It remained that way for a couple more minutes. "Uh, I think maybe I should finish packing."

"yeah, you wouldn't want to be late, Doctor Slutface."

Levy stood up and finished packing. She carried her bag back into the living room to say goodbye one more time. As she entered the room Gray's voice rang out clear, "DOCTOR LEZZIE! YOUR WHORES ARE DYING OUT HERE! DOCTOR LEZZIE! YOUR BITCHES NEED YOU!"

Her face turned bright red, "Ah, uh, um, Droy, I-I-I'll see y-you tomorrow night. G-Goodbye!"

"Better hurry Doctor Lezzie. Your whores are dying. Your bitches need you out there!"

Levy ran out the door as fast as she could.

Cana stood up in the r8, going 60 miles an hour down the freeway, and waved her sake in the air, screaming, "AWWWW YEAHHHH! ROAD TRIPPP! VEGAS BABY! VEGAS!"

"Aw come on Embers! Drive faster, or let me drive! everyone's passin' us." Gray moaned from the backseat, swigging his second bottle of sake.

"Not a chance in hell ice cube. Jude trusted me with his car, and I'm not gonna fuck it up. Besides, you're drinking. Why the hell would I let you drive?"

"What, are you a cop now? And you know I drive great when I'm drunk!" Gray objected, taking a long swig from the bottle.

Cana, face flushed with excitement, turned around, "Hey! me too! I do everything great drunk!"

"Man, I love this chick!" Gray shouted, tousling her hair, and finishing his second bottle. She giggled and passed him a third.

Levy slapped his arm, "Hey, you're married. You also have a son! so no fucking Cana, understand?" Levy handed him his shirt.

"Yeah fuck my life. I love Juvia moe than anything else in this world, and my son too, but I fuckin' hate my life. I might just stay in Vegas," He pushed his shirt away, "you keep that Levy. Make sure i don't lose it. Hey Cana, what say we run away and just stay out herein Vegas?"

"Hell yeah!" Cana shouted.

"NO!" Natsu cut them short, "Cana, you are not running away. Gray, you're my best man, and Juvia would find you even if you did try to run away. Neither of you fuckin retards are running away to Vegas."

"What the fuck did you just call me? And here i am trying to help you, asshole," Gray popped the cap on his bottle.

"The fuck did you do to help me! You almost stole my sister and ran away to Vegas!"

"Oh yeah. I was gettin' to the advice."

"Oh no. Here we go again," Levy said, leaning back in the seat and putting Gray's shirt over her face.

"Come Sunday, Natsu, you're gonna die a little inside. Not a lot, but every day, you die a little more. So enjoy yourself while you can, because no matter how much ou love someone, you die a little every day you are married. Just a little bit."

"Yeah totally!" Cana agreed. Levy threw Gray's shirt down an looked at her."That's why I've managed to stay single the entire time."

"Oh really. That's why you're single." Levy asked, her skepticism dripping from her voice.

"Yup. That's exactly why."

"Cool. good to know," Levy said, handing gray his shoes.

"Hey Cana, am i alright over there? I can't see outta that damn mirror" Natsu asked.

"Yeah dude totally. No one for miles."

Natsu began to shift lanes. A 18 wheeler, 20 times bigger than the sleek r8, let out a giant protest. Cana began cackling like mad as Natsu swerved back into the other lanes, and Levy began praying to god, while Gray joined Cana in her laughter.

"WHAT THE FUCK, MAN" Natsu screamed at the top of his lungs as he tried to get back into the right lane and stop swerving across them.

"We almost just died right there!" Levy added.

"You shoulda seen your fuckin faces! Classic!" Canna doubled over in the seat with laughter.

"Thats fuckin hilarious!" Gray patted her on the back, laughing along with her.

"That's not funny. It's not." Levy said, throwing Gray's pants back at him.

* * *

A/N: Please rate and review. Tell me if i should continue. I plan on it, but y'know, if y'all don't want it i won't do it.


	2. Chapter 2

Cana drained another bottle, and waved it at the guys inside before throwing it on the ground. Natsu sighed. This was going to be a long, expensive trip if Cana kept drinking like this, and Gray wasn't helping either. They had reached the first gas station, and the two of them had already blown through at least a case of sake.

"Hey, Snowcone, Cana wants some more sake. Go see if they have any," Natsu grabbed some fireballs from the candy rack.

"Y'know, she might drink a lot, but she's actually kinda funny," Gray said, placing the sake on the counter with the fireballs.

Gray began looking through the freezer for a snack he could eat, when Natsu agreed, "Yeah, I guess. She doesn't mean any harm."

The clerk gave Gray a dirty look when he passed her the wrapper from the snow cone he was eating straight out of the freezer, "Is she all there? Like mentally?"

Natsu turned around, "Hey, Levy. We gotta get goin'. Hurry up," then he turned back to Gray, "Well, I think so. She just has a drinking problem, and being adopted with a father like Jude doesn't help any."

"Should we be worried?" Gray asked as the clerk began to ring them up. The sake was over 200 dollars.

"Goddamn. She's lucky her dad is bankrollin' most of this trip, 'cause that shit's expensive. And no, she's mostly harmless. Just drunk. Lucy did say we shouldn't let her drive, obviously, or gamble. We probably shouldn't let her in a bar alone either. Or anywhere else," Natsu said, then turned to look for Levy, "C'mon Levy we gotta go!"

"Jesus, she's like a gremlin and shit. So many instructions," Gray slid out of the way so Levy could hand her drink to the pile, "Water? Really? C'mon, we're on a road trip to Vegas."

Levy sighed, "Well, I was just on the phone with Droy, and I told him that we're two hours outside of Wine Country, and he bought it. Then he told me that I shouldn't be drinking any alcohol, so, yes, water."

"Don't you think it's strange that you've been in a relationship for going on three years and you still have to lie about going to Vegas with a bunch of friends?" Gray asked, turning to face her.

"Honestly, yeah, I do. But at the same time, it isn't worth the fight. Droy would just-" Levy started fidgeting with her phone.

"Oh, so it's not okay for you to go on a road trip, but it's perfectly fine for Droy to fuck a hotel manager in Japan. On his 3 week vacation you paid for," Gray interrupted, bringing a sharp glare from a mother carrying a small child.

"Hold on. First of all, she was the assistant floor director. Second of all, he was wasted. Third of all, it was a month, not three weeks. Also, if you must know, he didn't even cum inside of her," Levy looked down again, speaking with a strong voice toward the floor.

Natsu sighed. Gray turned around and picked up the sake, asking, "And you believe that?" Then he walked out the door, "Pay the nice lady, Firebrand."

Natsu ran a hand through his bright pink hair as Levy chased Gray out the door, "Uh, yeah, actually, I do believe him, because he doesn't like to cum at all."

Gray stopped in his tracks and shook his head. Cana walked over, putting the pump away, "Who doesn't like to cum?"

"Droy. He's grossed out by semen," Levy said matter-of-factly.

"He's fat? With a really ugly jacket all the time?"

"He's not fat! And the jacket isn't exactly ugly…" Levy protested.

"That's actually kinda funny, 'cause I see the dickface all the time at the _Strauss_, always tryin' to get in anyone's pants. Even other guys sometimes," Cana took a full bottle from Gray.

"Back in the car! We gotta lotta ground to cover today! Let's go!" Natsu came out of the gas station shouting at everybody, and they all filed into the car obediently.

Cana turned around from her seat in the front of the car, "Hey, so this drinkin' buddy o' mine, he's a real gambler, the fancy type, and he told me once that the way to go is to work in teams. So who wants to be my partner for tonight?" she looked expectantly at Gray.

"Actually, Cana, I don't think you should be doing too much gambling tonight." Natsu kept his eyes on the road.

"Who said gambling? It's not gambling if you know you're gonna win!" she winked at him.

"Counting cards is illegal, Cana," Levy chastised.

"It's not illegal, it's frowned upon," Cana objected, "Like masturbating with a beer bottle on an airplane."

Natsu and Gray grinned, "I'm pretty sure that's illegal too."

"Maybe after the Tenrou Island incident when everybody got so damn sensitive. Thanks a lot Acnologia," Cana scowled at a child in the car next to them.

"Either way, you have to be super smart to count cards. Ok? It's not easy," Natsu kept attempting to persuade her to back down.

He failed as she said, "Oh really? Tell that to Rain Man. 'Cause he practically bankrupt a casino, and he was a ri-tard."

The rest of them looked at each other. Levy leaned forward, "a What?"

"A ri-tard you ri-tard," Cana repeatd.

"It's retard," Natsu correctd.

"Yeah, and he wasn't retarded. He was a savant," Levy mumbled, glaring out the window.

"Hello, how may I help you today?" a beautiful silver haired woman asked, looking up from her computer behind the desk.

"Yes, we have a reservation under Dr. McGarden," Levy said, placing her bags on the floor and leaning on the desk.

"Doctor. Levy, you're a teacher. Like me," Gray looked at her, amused, "don't try and get fancy."

"It's not fancy if it's true," Levy rationalized, smiling at the girl behind the counter.

Gray looked at her nametag, "Lisanna, she's just a teacher. Is someone has a heart attack, you should still call 911," and Gray smiled at her.

"Um, will make sure that happens, but in the meantime, sir, I'm going to have to ask that you leave the hotel," Lisanna said, looking down and smiling back.

"What! Did my flirting make you uncomfortable?" Gray stood up straight.

"No, not at all, but you see, we have a policy here. No shirt, No shoes, No service. And you sir, have no shirt," Lisanna said as Natsu finished loading their bags onto the trolley, just to watch them fall again.

"Oh, yeah. That happens sometimes," Gray looked around for his shirt, finally getting it from Cana, and re-clothed himself.

"Um, do you know if this place is pager-friendly? 'cause I'm not getting a sig on my beeper, and it's pissing me off," Cana asked, holding up a small device.

"I'm not sure." Lisanna turned to the drunkard, "But I'm afraid you'll have to leave the hotel. A bra is not a shirt."

"Think of it as a bikini. And do you have a payphone bank? You know, like a rack of payphones, just stacked up one after the other? Business calls," Cana explained.

"Well, there's a phone in your room." Lisanna offered.

"Cana, you don't work. At all," Gray said, "I bet you found that pager on the ground outside."

She stuck her tounge out at him, "Loser."

"So, I have you four in a 2 bed suite on the twelfth floor, is that ok?" Lisanna asked.

Natsu pushed their cart over, "Sounds perfect. Now let's go before everything falls off again."

"Hold on, wait a minute, Salamander," Gray turned to Lisanna, "I was wondering if you had any villa's available."

Levy asked, "Gray, we're not even going to be in the room. Why the heck should we get a villa? It's no big deal. We can share beds."

Cana immediately grabbed onto Gray's arm, "I call Gray!"

Levy rolled her eyes, "No, we'd split boy/girl."

Cana pouted, and Natsu and Gray began fighting and arguing that they'd never share anything. Then Levy broke them up, by kicking everything off the trolley. Natsu shouted and began stacking everything up again, and Gray turned to Lisanna and took a deep breath, "Lisanna, I apologize. How much is the villa?"

"We have one villa available, and it's 4200 dollars for the night," she looked at all 3 of them.

"Is it awesome?" Cana asked, drinking straight from the sake bottle.

"It's pretty awesome," Lisanna confirmed.

"We'll take it," he motioned to Levy, "Give her your credit card."

"I can't give her my credit card," Levy said, just as Natsu finished with the cart.

Natsu offered to split it. "Are you crazy? No, this is on us," Gray objected.

"You don't get it. Droy checks my statements," Levy turned all the way toward him.

"Well, we just need it on file. We don't charge anything until you check out, so you can figure it out then." Lisanna offered.

"Perfect, that's perfect. Thank you, Lisanna, we'll deal with it tomorrow," Gray said, then motioned back to Levy, "C'mon, give her your credit card."

Levy let out a deep sigh, reaching into her purse, "Fine."

"Can I ask you another question? You probably get this one a lot." Cana said, tipping the bottle back.

"Sure," Lisanna nodded.

Cana leaned close, and whispered, "This isn't the real Ceasar's Palace, is it?"

"What do you mean?" Lisanna gave her a confused look.

"D-Did, uh, did Ceasar live here?" She stammered, glancing to Gray and the others.

"No," Lisanna smirked.

Cana took a long swig from her bottle, "Good, I didn't think so. Let's go, guys."

Natsu swiped the room key, and with a slight beep, the door swung open, "Holy shit! It's enormous! Thank you guys so much. Or should I say, thank you, Levy."

"You're welcome, Salamander. But it's only because I love you. In a non-romantic kind of way," Levy said, dropping her bags in the middle of the room.

"God damn! Guys, Welcome to Vegas!" Gray said, standing in front of the glass wall with his arms spread wide.

"Hey look, free sake!" Cana said, running over to a small table full of various products and foods.

"No no no no no!" Levy exclaimed, running over and taking the bottle and placing it back where Cana took it from, "Cana, those are on a pressure sensor. If it registers that you have picked it up for more than 30 seconds, there is a charge for it. And knowing Vegas, and sake, that bottle is probably like 600 dollars."

"Levy, relax," Gray said from the small kitchen area.

"Gray, Droy is like a forensic accountant when it comes to my statements. He scours them until they shine more than your ice," Levy watched as Gray came over with an empty sake bottle he had filled with water, "If you want the sake, I suggest you put your own credit card down."

"Watch this," he said, picking up the full bottle of sake from the table and replacing it with the water-filled one Cana had finished on their way in. The pressure sensor turned off. He tossed the bottle to Cana, "Here, have your sake. Just save some for me!"

"Y'know, even you can't ruin sake, Levy," Cana said, taking the flower out of Levy's hair and placing it in the water-filled sake bottle.

"Alright, pick a room, get dressed, and be out here in half an hour," Natsu said, walking back from one of the expansive rooms in the villa, "this one's mine."

"Droy, I just wish you could see this place. I know that you of all people would love it. It's so quaint," she said, while picking up the remote to open the curtains and reveal the glamour of Las Vegas, "Yeah, no there are no tv's, no phones, there's just little antique am radio's in every room."

Gray and Natsu both walked into the room, already finished dressing. They motioned to her to hurry up. She held the phone against her shoulder while trying to do her hair, "What's his name? Ceasar. Caesar Palache. Yeah, like the salad. Well listen, I have to go, we're going to this wine tasting, and – no I won't have the wine, just water and cheese – and. W-w-wait! I love you!" before she could get the 'you' out, there was an audible click as Droy hung up.

"I'm not even going to say anything it's so embarrassing," Gray said, buttoning his sleeve.

"Where's Cana?" Levy asked, putting the finishing touches of make-up on.

"She went downstairs already. She said she had to grab a few things," Natsu said, giving them a pointed look.

"Good, because I have something that I need to talk to you two about," Levy said, getting excited. She reached into her bag, and pulled out a ring.

"What the hell is that?" Gray asked, as Natsu took the ring from her.

"What do you think it is?" Levy asked, unable to contain her smile.

"If it's what I think it is, it's a big fucking mistake. Besides, doesn't the guy usually propose?" Gray leaned back in his chair, looking straight at Levy.

She continued to beam at them, "I'm going to propose to him, at your wedding, after the ceremony."

"Levy, congratulations! This is a beautiful ring!" Natsu said, admiring the stone.

"Thank you, Natsu. And that is going to be the ring that I wear. It was my grandmother's. She made it all the way through the Holocaust with that ring," Levy checked to make sure everything was in her purse, and then placed the ring inside as well.

Gray was still just as angry as Levy seemed happy, "Wait, I still don't get it. Have you ever listened to anything I have ever said?"

"Gray, we have been dating for three years. It's time, this is how things work," Levy said, her happiness starting to fade.

"A. That is complete bullshit. B. He is a complete asshole!" Gray threw himself down on Levy's bed.

"Hey!" Natsu threw a pillow at Gray, "Be nice, Ice Queen, that's her fiancé you're talking about!"

"It's true! You know it is!" Gray said, standing and stalking towards them, "He beats her!"

"That was twice!" Levy interrupted, pushing Gray back, "and I happened to be out of line both times! He's just strong-willed, that's all. And I respect that in a man."

"Wow. Wow! She's in denial!" Gray shouted at Natsu, then turned to Levy again, "You're in denial! Not to mention he fucked a hotel manager! For three weeks straight!"

"She was an assistant floor director. And it was a month. You know that, FrostFace," Natsu corrected, shoving Gray back into a chair.

"Guys! I'm standing right here, so I can hear everything that you're saying," Levy interrupted the impending fight, and then continued to spray on perfume.

"You guys ready to let the dogs out!" Cana screamed, jumping into the room, in a very tight, very small black dress.

"What?" Levy asked, picking up her purse.

"Y'know, the song, who let the dogs out," Cana began to sing and dance her way around the villa, the others following her toward the door.

"We'll talk about this later," Gray said, pointing at Levy, "We're not done."

Gray and Levy began singing 'Who Let the Dogs Out' and dancing toward the elevator. Natsu held out the door for Levy, "You know he just does it because he cares about you, right?"

"And he doesn't care about you? He never made such a big problem out of it when you were getting married," She commented.

"Gray doesn't believe half the things he says. He loves Juvia and his son too much. You know that. He also knows that Droy is no good. He's a lazy, jobless leech that uses you. Gray loves you in his own way," Natsu shut the door behind them.

Levy looked away from him, and at the floor, "Yeah, I guess. I love Gray too, you know," her eyes, full of fear, snapped to Natsu, "But not in a romantic sense! Not ever! Don't tell Juvia I said that! Just forget I ever said it!"

Natsu laughed, "Don't worry, your homewrecking secret is safe with me."

Levy's face turned bright red, almost matching her dress, "No! You bastard! You know what I meant!"

Natsu's laughter joined Gray and Cana's as they entered the elevator. Levy, still blushing, looked down at Gray's feet, "uh, thanks, Gray, for caring, but-"

Gray just smiled at her, "Leave it, Levy. We'll talk about it later! Now, we're gonna have fun! It's Natsu's last night with us! Time to party!"

Levy smiled back, as the elevator doors closed, and said, "Well, you might want your jacket then, Iceman."

"Uh, guys, I know we're not supposed to be up here. It clearly says, 'No entry past this point', and 'Employee's Only'," Levy protested as they snuck out onto the roof of Caesar's Palace.

"Oh give it a rest, bookworm. Look at the view. Isn't it amazing? Natsu needed to see this before he forever lost the ability to go where he wants when he wants. Or maybe that comes before marriage? I forget, looking at you and Droy," Gray said, jumping down toward the edge.

Levy just smiled and followed, taking off her heels, "It is pretty amazing, Popsicle."

Gray turned to Natsu, "You like it, firebro? This is the best view in Vegas. I just had to make sure you got to see it."

"Are you kidding? This is amazing! How'd such an icy dude find such a hot place?" Natsu asked, awed by the scene before him.

"Hey, this place is cool," Gray said, then called out to Cana, who was pouring drinks on the ledge, "Hey, Cana, how we doin' over there?"

"Almost ready!" she sang back, walking over with the drinks, "Gray bought me a bottle of Ace for tonight, so we could all celebrate in style!"

"I'd like to make a toast," Levy announced, taking her glass from Cana, "to Natsu and Lucy. May tonight be but a minor speedbump, in what is otherwise a very long and very healthy marriage."

"Cheers!" came from everybody, and they downed their glasses. Cana poured out a little more.

"Alright, now I'd like to talk about something –" Gray began, looking at Levy as he turned toward Natsu.

"I'd like to – I'd like to say something," Cana interrupted, staring at the sky, "That I've prepared for tonight," She pulled out a wrinkled piece of paper from her bra, "Hello. How 'bout that ride in? I guess that's why they call it Sin City," She gave an awkward, forced laugh, "You guys might not know this, but I consider myself a bit of a loner. I think of myself as a one woman guild, of sorts. But when my sister brought Natsu home, I knew I was not alone. I felt it, and my one person guild grew by one. There were two –" she stumbled over the words, "There were two of us in the guild. I was al- I was alone first, in the guild, then Natsu joined in later, and there were two."

Natsu whispered to Gray, "Hey, I think she might actually be drunk for once. Good call on the Spades."

"Thanks," he muttered back, trying not to disturb Cana's speech, since she seemed so nervous and was trying so hard.

"Then 6 months ago, Natsu introduced me to the rest of you guys. I thought, 'wait a second, could it be?' And now I know for sure, I just added two more guys to my guild. Four of us Guildmates, running around Las Vegas together, looking for strippers and cocaine," the three of them laughed and raised their glasses, expecting a toast. Instead, Cana pulled out a knife, "so tonight I make a toast!" and she cut open her hand, a shallow, but bloody cut.

"What the hell are you doing?" Natsu screamed.

"Blood Brothers. We'll all join in," Cana said, trying to hand the knife to Natsu.

"No, Cana, we're not doing that. We're not going to cut ourselves. Give me the knife, slowly, ok thank you," Natsu took the knife from her, "maybe we could all get tattoos or something. In paint. When we get back."

"Yeah, something that is not freaking weird," Levy said, still grossed out by Cana's display.

"We could call ourselves Fairy Tail, because that's what my cut looks like, a Fairy Tail. We could all get them inked on, you know, so we never forget," Cana said sucking the blood off her palm.

"Yeah, maybe, but not tonight. Here, gimme your hand," Gray cleaned her palm and wrapped his handkerchief around it to stop the bleeding and soak up her blood.

"Thank you, Gray," She mumbled.

"Ok, because now I need everybody to focus. I wanna talk about something. I wanna talk about memory. No, better yet, I wanna talk about selective memory. You see, whatever happens here, may as well never have happened at all. Because this guild," Gray looked to Cana, "is about as far as any of this is ever going to go. In other words, forget everything. Natsu, I'm serious, I got a wife and kid. We don't remember, so we got nothing to talk about when we get back. Nothing guys. Nothing! We gotta deal?"

"Deal," Natsu and Cana chimed in. Levy locked her lips and threw away the key.

"Good. Because I love my wife, but sometimes, she's fucking crazy," he walked over to Natsu and Levy, "C'mere, Cana," he raised his glass, "To a night, we'll never remember, but the four of us will never forget!"

* * *

A/N: I wanted to upload a little longer chapter, but this was the the best place to cut a chapter off. Won't be able to work until next Friday, Boys State is this week. Also, I am going to establish a regular update schedule, so please be a little patient. Read and Review!


	3. Chapter 3

Smoke billowed up from a the remains of one of the villa's leather chairs.

The water poured out of the jacuzzi, bubbles foaming over the top of the still running water.

A woman slipped out of the room, seemingly leaving it deserted, save for a clucking chicken that was strutting around the room.

Levy McGarden struggled to open her eyes. Her world was shaking, her head pounding, and her vision blurry. Her glasses lay a few feet from her and she quickly put them on. Then, she collapsed onto one of the not destroyed couches.

On the other side of the room, bottles and cans started falling from everywhere as Cana tried to stand, and searched for something to help her balance, and failed. Levy sat up to watch her come crashing down amongst her beloved bottles. Once again she grabbed onto the counter top, and managed to haul herself up this time. She stumbled over the chicken on her way to the bathroom as she passed a still knocked out Gray in the middle of the room.

She stepped into the bathroom and walked over to the toilet, then sat down. As she began to relieve herself, a low growl cam from the other side of the room. Slowly, Cana turned to face a full grown tiger. With a giggle, she turned back to face the door.

"Stupid tiger," she mumbled in response to another growl. Once again, she slowly turned to face the beast.

It got up, and began to prowl towards her. She screamed, and raced out of the bathroom, slamming the door as she tripped over the naked Gray. A moan of pain came from the curled up ice sculptor as he pulled the blanket up over his head.

"GRAY!" Cana screamed, "DO NOT GO INTO THE BATHROOM!"

"Control yourself, Cana, c'mon," Gray said rubbing his side as he emerged from his makeshift bed on the tile floor, "Goddamn it Cana pull up your pants."

"Gray, there is a tiger in the bathroom!" Cana said, hysterical, "Do not go in the bathroom! Tiger! Bathroom!"

"What's going on?" Levy asked, still in a daze from the events of the night before.

Gray got to his feet, waving his hands at Cana, who was now jumping around, "Ok, ok, I'll go check it out, just calm down, jeez,"

He stumbled to the bathroom door. Cana still shouting at him to be careful because of the tiger, Gray swung the door wide open. The tiger roared. As Gray slowly closed the door, three things happened. Cana shrieked. Gray laughed. And Levy looked toward them with a blank gaze.

"Holy fuck, shes not kidding!" Gray turned to Levy, pointing to the bathroom door, "There's really a tiger in there!"

"No there isn't," Levy said in a distant, uninterested voice, ignoring Cana's panic.

Cana silently panicked over by the door as Gray walked over to Levy, "You ok?"

"Could you please get dressed? And no, I am not. I am in so much pain right now," She replied, running her hands through her hair in an attempt to collect herself.

"God Damn. Look at this place," Gray said, gesturing to the destroyed TV hanging from te wall, the chandelier just barely still attatched to the ceiling, the various helmets and bras strewn around the room.

"I know, Gray. They have my credit card downstairs. Gray, I'm so screwed," she leaned forward, hands behind her head.

"I mean how does a fucking tiger get in the bathroom it almost killed me!" Cana exclaimed.

"Hey, Cana, fix your pants. I find it a little weird I have to ask twice," Gray called out from the only other not wrecked piece of furniture in the room.

"But I have to ask you twice?"

"Shit!" Gray shot up, then fell back onto the chair. "Too fast. Too fast," he proceeded to roll off it, then go find his clothes, "What the fuck happened last night?"

"Hey, Gray?" Levy turned to him as soon as he had some pants, "Am I missing a tooth?"

"Turn a little mo- Holy SHIT!" Gray tried suppressing his laughs. A panicked Levy frantically began searching for any reflective surface she could find. It wasn't hard among the amount of broken glass on the floor.

A quick glance confirmed her fears. "OH MY GOD! My lateral incisor! IT'S GONE!" She began to hyperventilate.

"It's fine, Levy, right now we just need to calm down. Everything is fine, Levy, Everything is gonna be alright," Gray quickly said, trying to calm down the girl. Her breathing barely slowed. "Cana, go wake up Flamebreath, and let's get the fuck outta Nevada before housekeeping shows up."

"What am I going to tell Droy I lost a tooth and I have no idea how it happened he's gonna be so mand what can I say oh no what should I do," Levy began spewing out words as her panic grew, the gravity of the situation beginning to sink in.

"Levy, you're beginning to freak me out to. I have a massive headache, let's just calm down," Gray said, rubbing his temples. Elsewhere, Cana walked through the rooms, looking for Natsu.

"How am I supposed to calm down look around you look at my mouth look at -" Levy's panic filled voice was cut off as Cana came from the fourth bedroom.

"Hey, guys, Natsu's not in there," Cana was running a comb through her hair, significantly calmer than she was a minute ago.

"Did you check all the rooms?"

"Yeah, I looked everywhere. Plus, his mattress is gone," Cana gave a small laugh.

"Whatever, Firehead probably just went to get something to eat. I'll just call his cell," Gray pulled out his phone.

Levy began to inspect her missing tooth again. "I look like a nerdy hillbilly!" she moaned.

Gray laughed, bringing the phone to his ear. Suddenly, a ringing went off throughout the villa. Cana found the offending phone, then answered it. "Hello?"

"Cana."

"Hey!"

"It's Gray."

"Oh, hey Gray! What's up?"

Levy turned to look at Cana, then whispered to Gray, "Is she serious?"

Gray held up his finger to silence her. Both of them watched Cana. "Oh, nothing much. Just woke up. Did you know there's a tiger in my bathroom?"

"Really? That's so funny, there's a tiger in my bathroom too! Sorry, I have to go, Natsu is missing and I gotta help Gray and Levy find him before we are all fucked. See ya!" she hung up the phone, then turned to the two of them, "Hey, guys, that was Gray. I thought he was calling Natsu, but - Oh wait a second, guys, I think this might be Natsu's phone!"

"No shit," Gray said, sliding his own phone back into his pocket.

Levy and Cana began arguing about how stupid she is, and Gray's headache just got worse. But the next sound to echo through the villa quieted all three of them immediately. They all looked fearfully at one another.

Levy was the first to break their silence. "What the _fuck_ is that."

In one of the closets they found the source of the noise. All three of them stared at it. This time, Gray was the first to speak up. "Whose fucking baby is that?"

"Cana, are you sure you didn't see anyone else in the villa?" Levy asked skeptically.

"Yeah, I definitely checked all the rooms, no one is here except us," Cana replied.

"Except the fucking baby in the closet," Gray said, his shirt undone once again.

Cana smacked him on his exposed stomach, "Check it's collar or something."

Gray look at Levy, who leaned down to pick the baby up. Gray sighed, "Levy, we don't have time for this. Look, let's go find Pinky and deal with this shit later."

"Gray! We're not gonna leave a baby in the room! There's a fucking TIGER in the bathroom!" Levy objected, outraged.

"It's not our baby," Gray reasoned.

"Yeah, I gotta side with Gray on this one."

Levy glared at Gray. He backed down, "Yeah, alright fine. We'll take it with us."

"Thank you," Levy's look of triumph as she picked up the baby was only momentary, as she turned back to Gray who was about to open the door, "And would you please find some pants!"

Levy pulled the ice away from her mouth, "Why can't we remember a single thing from last night?"

Gray pounded his head against the elevator wall. "Because we obviously had a great fucking time. Why don't you just stop worrying for just one minute? Be proud of yourself for once."

"I don't know, Gray, maybe it's because I'm missing a tooth. Or, maybe, it's because there is a tiger in our hotel room. Our hotel room, which, happens to be completely destroyed. Oh, nonono, I know, maybe, it's because we found a baby. A human baby. That's it. It's because we found a fucking baby!"

Cana, who happened to be carrying the baby in a front-pack carrier, quickly covered it's ears. "Hey, watch it! I don't think you should curse around the child."

"Really? I don't think you should _be_ around a child." Levy snarked back.

The elevator doors slid open, and an old woman stepped into the elevator. She smiled at the baby, and began twirling her finger in it's face. "Oh how cute," she said, "What's her name?"

The three of them looked in different directions, completely ignoring the elderly woman's question. "Hey, answer me! Don't make me spin you three! I'll spin you like you've never been spun before!"

Gray leaned forward to get a good look at the baby. "Asuka." He replied.

"Zharia." Cana quickly corrected.

"Zharia?" Gray mumbled, "Seriously?"

"Hey Gray, look," Cana said, pulling one of the french fries out of the basket on their table. She laughed as she began putting the fry in and out of the child's mouth, "She's sucking her first dick."

"Pull yourself together, Cana," Gray said, a grin spreading across his face.

"Not at the table, Zharia. At least hide under it," Cana and Gray gave a little laugh.

They stopped as Levy strode back with the ice still held up to her face. "I looked everywhere," she began counting off, "Gym, Casino, front desk, that little convenience store, no one's seen Natsu. He's not here."

"Firebreath is fine. He's a grown man," Gray picked up a fry, then looked at Cana and changed his mind, opting for some iced coffee instead, "Seriously, Levy, you gotta calm down."

"Have some juice, it helps with the hangover," Cana said, passing her a glass of orange juice.

She turned to the side, and began to throw up the little she had forced down before her search, "I can't have any juice right now," she groaned.

"Ok," Gray said, "We gotta try to figure out what happened. Let's just track this thing." He took a pen from the waiter walking by and a napkin from the center. "Alright, what's the last thing we remember doing last night?"

"Well the first thing is we were on the roof, taking those shots," Cana said over Levy's coughs and splutters.

"Then we had dinner at the Palm, right?" Gray said, turning to Levy.

"I have no-" she spit up some more food, " I have no fucking clue what happened after our first shots." She turned back over the arm of her chair.

"Lightweight." Cana muttered, then confirmed Gray's fact, "Yeah, then we played Craps at the Hard Rock. And, I think Doug was there then too."

"Ok, He definitely was, a little is coming back now," Gray was scribbling down what little they knew.

"You know what guys?" Levy said, wiping her mouth, "I don't even remember going to dinner."

"I know. Fuck. I don't think I've ever been this hungover." Gray leaned back in his chair, trying to think back to last night.

"After the Hard Rock, I like totally blacked out, theres nothing," Cana laughed, taking another sip of sake.

"How the fuck are you still drinking?" Levy asked through her makeshift ice pack that Gray had put together for her.

"Ok, we have up until 10 pm, so that gives us about a 12 hour window in which we could have lost that retard," Gray started intently at his napkin.

"Hey guys, what do you think this is?" Cana asked, inspecting a small white object she had just pulled out of her pocket."

"Thats my tooth! Give it to me! Why do you have that?" Levy snatched the tooth away from Cana.

"No no no, this is a good thing, guys, check your pockets. See what else you can find there," Gray reached into his pocket and dumped a bunch of coins onto his plate.

"I have a receipt from the Belaggio... at 11:05 PM... for 800 DOLLARS! I AM SO FUCKED" Levy threw the paper down on the table.

"I have a valet ticket from Ceasar's. Looks like we got in at 5:17 AM," Cana added it to their pile of evidence.

"Oh shit. We drove last night?"Gray asked rubbing his hands over his face.

Cana laughed, "Yeah, Driving Drunk. Classic."

"You could have killed us all!" Levy threw one of Gray's quarters at Cana.

"Hey! Gray and I are great at driving drunk! Right, Gray?" Cana said in her defense, turning to Gray for support. "Hey, what's that on your arm?" she flicked a yellow band around his wrist.

"Jesus Christ Gray. You were in the hospital last night!" Levy inspected the band.

"Huh. I guess so."

"Wow. Are you alright?" Cana asked.

"Yeah, Cana, I'm fine. Do I look injured?" Gray began to get irritated.

"What the hell happened?" Levy asked once more.

"Levy, this is a good thing. We have a lead now. We can go to this hospital, find this doctor, and try to figure out where exactly Doug is," Gray slid back in his chair with a sigh, sipping his iced coffee.

"Hey, Levy, watch this," Cana picked up a fry and began to pump it in and out of the baby's mouth.

"Cana, not cool."

* * *

Wow, it's been like a month! I feel so bad for taking so long, and then putting out this short chapter. But alot's been going on! so please forgive me! there were 4 graduation parties (all of them i had to help plan and set up, they were all my cousins), I'm volunteering at my school as a peer tutor for summer school, I have physical therapy, I finished brotherhood, started college applications, and beat muramasa rebirth (alot), while keeping up with New Leaf. I did promise myself I would get this chapter out before SMTIV too, (which i did! if you count uploading at 4:30 AM the day it comes out before)  
I'm So Sorry! but i did have this chapter written earlier, it's just that my laptop fell into the pool at one of those graduation parties and while they were able to save most of the data, it took a while for them to get it back to me. Now I've gotta go find money to pay back my mom while i try to buy a ps3 :( BUT NEVER FEAR! I PROMISE I WILL DO MY BEST TO UPLOAD AT LEAST ONCE A WEEK! (update?) but yeah, boys state was alot of work, but also alot of fun. If anyone ever gives you the chance to go (to boys or girls state) GO!

and again sorry for the shorter chapter this time :(


	4. Chapter 4

"So, uh, are you sure you're qualified to be taking care of that baby?" Levy hesitated to even ask the drunk the question.

"What chu talkin' 'bout? I've found a baby before," Cana shoved her sake into the baby carrier where the milk belonged.

Levy didn't believe her. "You've found a baby before?Where?"

"Yeah. Back in Magnolia there was this ugly baby with glasses and long blond hair and this man face with crazy muscles-"

Levy brushed it off, "You probably just imagined it. You were obviously drunk at the time."

"Hey, how did you know I was drunk?"

"You're always drunk, Cana," Gray walked up behind the two girls with their valet ticket in hand.

"Oh, uh, Gray, listen," Cana reached for the ticket, "I don't think Natsu would want us to take the R8. "

"Relax," Gray said, pulling it out of her reach, "We'll be careful with it."

"Well, my dad is crazy about that car, and he left Natsu in charge, so I really don't think-"

"Cana, we got bigger problems right now. Natsu could be in the hospital right now, he could be hurt. Ok? Let's worry about the car later." Gray sipped his iced mocha.

"Umm, guys," Levy pointed to one of the statues on the roof of Caesar's Palace, "Check it out."

On the roof, there was a statue. And on the statue, there was a mattress. A group of men were attempting to dislodge it, and they were failing.

"Is that the mattress from Natsu's room?" Cana asked, copying Gray and sipping her sake in time with him.

"What the fuck?" Gray said to himself. He walked over to a man loading luggage into a car, asking, "Hey man, what happened here?"

"Some asshole threw his bed out the window last night."

"No shit." Gray responded incredulously.

"Yeah. Some guys just can't handle Vegas," He lauged, and closed the trunk, then hopped in the car and drove off.

"Oh god." Levy murmured, putting her face in her hands again.

"We'll be okay Levy," Gray consoled, patting her on the back, "But how the hell did we manage that shit."

A police car screeched to a stop in front of them, drawing all their attention. A valet stepped around, and handed a set of keys to Gray, "Here's your car, officers."

"Oh god. Oh god oh god oh god." Levy said to herself. Over and over. and over and over.

"Shhh." Gray quieted her down. "Don't say a word, just act cool and let's go. Get in the car." Gray whispered to the girls. They both nodded in response.

Gray hopped into the driver's seat, but as Levy moved to get into the car too, she heard a loud thunk. Then a baby crying.

"You hit the baby with the car door!" She half-screamed, half-whispered, as she tried to calm the wailing child.

"Sorry! I didn't see her there!"

"How drunk are you? Give me that!" Levy snatched the sake away from Cana as she attempted another swig. Cana pouted as Gray turned the car on. "Get in the car. Dick." Levy pushed the drunkard into the car as she climbed into the front seat herself.

"This is so illegal," Levy began to polish her glasses, before realizing her blouse was to dirty to be any help. She sighed.

"Can't you see the fun part in anything?" Gray asked over the din of his honking horn.

"Yeah. We're stuck in traffic in a stolen police car with what is sure to be a missing child in the backseat. Our best friend is missing somewhere in Vegas, we have thousands of dollars of damage to our already 4200 dollar hotel room which is all on my credit card. And we are supposed to be back to get ready for the wedding by three. It's already ten-thirty. Which part of this is fun?"

"I think the cop car part is pretty cool," Cana piped up from behind the metal divider that separated the officers from the convicts.

"Thank you Cana. It is cool. Slanty-Eyes would love it." Gray mashed the horn even louder, shouting obscenities out the window. "Wait a minute. We're in a cop car." Gray's eyes lit up. "Check this out."

With a flip of a switch, the lights began flashing. Gray grabbed the intercom.

Levy began panicking, "Gray! Do not do this! No! Yeah, great plan, try to call more attention to us!" Her protests were ignored as Gray maneuvered the vehicle down the sidewalk.

"Attention, please. Move out of the way. I repeat. Please disperse. Let's move, people. Hurry up." Gray ordered the people on the sidewalk out of their way.

Cana was rolling with laughter in the backseat. Levy kept up her protests, "Gray, stop, now. Pull over. Stop the car. Turn off the lights. Put down the intercom. Please. Oh god. Gray. Stop it. Just pull over."

"Ma'am, in the leopard dress. You have an amazing rack."

"GET OFF THE SIDEWALK. GRAY. PLEASE. PULL OVER."

"God damn. I should have been a fucking cop."

The doctor turned to them, "Look, I already told you lot. You came in here with a mild concussion, some bruised ribs, no big deal. Although none of you could articulate how it happened. Now get out of my office."

"Do you remember how many of us were here?" Gray asked as the old woman turned back to her equally as old patient.

"I don't pay attention to those little things. Whatever can get you out of my office the fastest. Definitely no baby." She looked around, "There was one other guy. He had hair like mine. Bright pink."

"That our guy!" Levy exclaimed. "Was he okay?"

"Yeah. He was fine. Just whacked out of his mind. You all were. Now are we finished here?" She turned back to her patient. "Alright, Madame, I think we're finished here. You may leave now."

"Doc?" Gray asked, trying to catch her attention.

"What are you lot still doing here? Get out! I have a surgery on the fourth floor and can't deal with you all during it." She sterilized her hands at the small sink before walking out of the room.

"You know, Doctor, if they are annoying you, just spin 'em! It always gets the job done! They'll leave you alone right quick. Oh yes they will." The patient said, letting herself out of the room.

"C'mon doc, look, we only need a few more minutes of your time, then we'll be outta your hair forever." Gray said, holding up a hundred dollar bill.

She looked at Gray, then at the money, then back at the three of them. She sighed, "Tuck it in my jacket. I don't want to have to re-sterilize. Now walk with me."

she opened a file. "I'm only going to say this once, then you may be able to ask questions. Here we go. Patient name Gray Fullbuster. Arrival time 2:45 AM. Minor Concussion, some bruising. Like I said, all pretty standard."

"Mind if i take a look?" Levy asked, reaching around, "I'm actually a doctor."

"Yeah, you said that several times last night, but really, you're just a bookworm," The old woman flipped to the next page, "Your bloodwork came back this morning. There was a large amount of rupholyn in your system."

The group gave her blank stares. She clarified, "Rupholyn, roofies. Commonly known as the date rape drug."

Gray gave a nervous laugh. "S-so what are you saying? I was r-raped last night?"

"Actually," The doctor began flipping through more of the pages of the file. Gray gave an alarmed look to Levy. She looked back up at them, "I don't think so. But someone did slip you the drug. I'm not surprised you don't remember anything. If that's all, leave me alone. I should really be going."

Cana laughed. "Doc, none of us could remember anything from last night." She turned to look at Gray and Levy, "Remember?"

"Yeah, how could someone have drugged all of us?" Gray asked the doctor before she could leave.

"Look, I wouldn't worry about it guys. By now the stuff is out of your system. All of you are totally fine." She looked at Cana. "Well, maybe not all of you. That one is highly intoxicated. You shouldn't leave her with the baby," The doctor tried to leave that as her lasting advice.

"Wait!" Levy cried out, "Is there anything else? Some thing we were talking about? Some place we were going? Some place we came from?"

"I told you already, you could barely articulate anything. You didn't-" She stopped, "Actually, there was something. You all kept talking about some wedding last night."

"Yeah, no shit." Levy said, her annoyance obvious, "Our buddy Natsu is getting married tomorrow."

"You know what, I want the hundred back," Gray reached for her jacket pocket.

"No. It's mine now. And you all were talking about some wedding you just came from. Macao's Love Shack. You kept talking about how sick the wedding was. Now, get out of my hospital."

"Just one more thing." Gray pulled out the napkin and a pen, "Macao's Love Shack, do you know where that is?"

"I do. It's at the corner of 'Get a map' and 'Fuck off'. I'm a doctor. That's it. Figure it out yourself. And put some pants on Mr. Fullbuster. This is a hospital." She stalked off up the flight of stairs.

Gray shook his head and added 'Macao's Love Shack' to their list. Before picking up his pants off of one of the chairs in the waiting room as they walked out. "Let's go girls. We gotta go find 'Get a map' and 'Fuck off' before it's too late."

"uh, Gray, I don't think she was being serious. I think she was getting annoyed and wanted us to leave." Cana tried clarifying as they stalked off to find the police car.

"You know, maybe she was right. Cana, give me the child. I think I'll hold onto her for a while." Levy reached for the baby.

"Nooo!" Cana screeched, turning away from Levy. "And I think you all should start calling her by her name. It's Zharia. Not that baby, or that child."

"Jesus Christ, Cana. She's a little Asian baby. We're not calling her some random African name you thought up. If anything, she's going to be called Asuka."

"Well I don't think Asuka is even a real name."

"Gray picked it because it's what Bisca and Alzack named their child."

"Yeah, and no matter how much they wanna act like cowboys, they are still Japanese."

"I still think she looks like a Zharia."

They pulled up to the small chapel, with a huge sign saying 'Macao's Love Shack! Our weddings last! Open 24-7! Military Discounts!'

"What are we going to do with Zharia?" Cana asked as they all began to get out of the cruiser.

"Jus' leave her in the car." Gray said, slamming his door shut.

"Woah. We're not leaving a baby in the car." Levy countered.

"Levy, we're only gonna be in there five minutes." Gray explained.

"So?"

"She'll be fine. I cracked the windows. Now let's go."

"I still don't like this." Levy closed her door and followed him into the small chapel.

"What if they don't remember us?" Levy asked.

"Well, let's just find out." Gray turned to the man standing near the back of the chapel, "Excuse me, sir?"

He turned to them, and a smile spread across his face. He began laughing as he walked over to give them all hugs, "AHH, yes! Look at these guys! What happened! You missed me? You missed Macao? You want more from me? How are you my friends! Look at you guys! You're fucking crazy!"

He turned to Levy. "Now you all listen to me. I know some sick people in my life. Some fucking crazy mother fuckers. This chick! She is the craziest, wildest bastard I ever met. She is fucking out of her mind! I thought she was gon' bite my girls tits right off. All 4 of 'em. Fucking crazy, I'm telling you!"

"This chick?" Gray looked at Levy.

"Yes this chick! What happen? You don't hug me. No love for Macao?"

"No, no. It's not that - Macao - It's just that we're having a hard time remembering what happened here last night," A fierce blush had spread across Levy's cheeks, and was apparent down to her neck.

"Yeah, was there a wedding here? Do you do weddings?"

Macao laughed again. "You're cracking my balls man. I love these guys," He turned around, his smile disappearing almost instantly, "Kinana! What are you doing? Bring my friends some tea, huh? C'mon!" As she ran past them, he smacked her ass. "Its unbelievable. I'm telling you. Look at these chicks. Beautiful asses, no fucking brains. But this is Vegas. You want intimacy? Forget about it, you're gon' get sex, that's it. No problem for me though."

"Macao." Gray interrupted the man's tirade, "Obviously we were here last night. We're looking for our friend Natsu. Remember him?"

"Yeah! That loud guy, pink hair. Always fighting with this one." Macao put his arm around Gray.

"Exactly!" Levy exclaimed. "You saw him."

"Of course." Macao confirmed. Gray smiled awkwardly.

"Is there anything you can tell us about last night?"

Macao glanced between the three of them. "You don't remember nothing?"

"Nope."

"Come follow me." Macao led them to the counter and pulled out a small book. It was full of pictures.

Levy groaned, moaned, and screamed at every one. "Congratulations, Levy, you got married!" Cana tapped Levy with her sake.

"This can't be happening!" Levy flipped through more and more pictures of the book. "Oh god!"

"I'll tell you one thing," Gray said, looking at the book over her shoulder, "You look seriously happy here, girl."

Levy began pacing and moaning again. "My life is over. It's done. God please no!"

"Its okay!" Gray grabbed her by the shoulders. "Levy, shit happens. C'mon. I'll make sure Droy won't know anything about this. Besides, unless someone tells him, how would he find out? Say it with me. 'This never happened'."

Right at that moment, Macao led Kinana into the room. She set down two very large boxes. Cana leaned over, "Hey, what's all that?"

"The High-Roller package. It's what you guys ordered. I have coffee mugs, baseball caps, and fancy calendars, all with pictures of the happy couple on them. Jet and Levy." Macao pulled out one of each from the box.

Cana pulled her hair into a ponytail and put the baseball cap on. Gray began to flip through the calendar. "Jet, huh?"

"Yes, he was definitely in good shape. A little skinny, but no fat anywhere. Kinda tired, but he is raising a baby on his own so, understandable." Macao explained.

"Well there you go!" Gray turned to Levy, "At least now we know who's baby that is! Great." He turned back to the proprietor, "Ok, Macao look, we made some pretty major mistakes last night. We need to get this marriage anulled immediately. Do you do annulments?"

"Of course! Of course." Macao said, "It breaks my heart, is very sad. But of course I do annulments. I'm gonna make a very good price for you. But I can't do it with just her here though. I need the guy. I need both parties."

"Not a problem. That's great. Isn't that great Levy? C'mon girl! And he probably knows where Natsu is too." Gray tried to cheer up the almost catatonic Levy.

"Awesome." She replied, rubbing the back of her neck.

"Alright. Uh, we'll need her address. She must've filled out some paperwork," Gray looked back at Macao.

"Yes, yes." Macao turned to Kinana, who was inspecting her fingernails. "What is the matter with you! Go and get the paper work! Hurry! Fast! I spend my entire life just waiting on you."

"Oh god, Gray. What did we do last night? What are we going to do now?" Levy looked up at him. Cana turned to him as well.

"Don't worry Levy. Trust me. Everything will be fine. We'll go to this Jet person's house, give him the baby, find the R8 in his driveway, and Natsu sleeping in the backseat. We're ok. Everything's ok."

They walked outside, one box of JetXLevy merchandise under Gray's arm, the other under Cana's. Cana adjusted the hat she was wearing, "Hey, so, you think my dad's car is at Jet's?"

"Yeah, and Flamebreath is in the backseat. We'll get 'em back." Gray threw his box in the trunk of the cop car.

"Then I vote we torch the cop car and all this shit with it," Levy said, taking off her red-rimmed glasses.

"Torch it? Who are you?" Gray stood up straight and looker her dead in the eye.

"I don't know, Gray. Apparently I'm a girl who marries complete strangers! This whole situation is completely fucked. These mugs -" Cana smashed one against the ground. "These hats -" Cana protested as Levy threw her hat on the ground. "This car! It's all evidence of a night that never happened. That is why we're torching it. ALL OF IT."

"Woah there. I'm a school teacher. I've got a family. I'm all for secrecy, but I'm not gonna torch a fucking cop car." Gray reasoned.

"Fine. I'll do it."

"Can I help?" Cana pulled out her trust bottle of sake.

"Yup."

"Thanks." Cana took a sip.

"And how exactly are you guys gonna do that?" Gray shouted at them.

"Oh, it's easy." Cana began to explain, "You just put kerosene on a ferret 'n' light it on both ends. They're attracted to gasoline."

"What? A ferret?" Levy looked at Cana in disbelief.

"Yeah. Or a tamed raccoon. But taming a raccoon is a lot of trouble."

"Well does it matter if it's tamed or not?"

"Yeah. If it's untamed it won't take the kerosene as well."

A phone ring inturrupted their discussion. The three of them frantically began searching for the ringing phone. It was Levy's.

"Natsu! Is it Natsu?" Gray asked.

Levy checked the caller I.D., "Ahhh, nooo, It's Droy!"

Gray growled in frustration. "Don't answer it." He slammed the trunk.

"I have to! He's called twice already!" Levy turned away from them.

Cana called shotgun as Levy answered the phone, "Hey, baby, how are you?"

"There you are. This is the third time I've called you."

"Yeah, the reception up here is terrible. I think it might be all the sequoia trees. They block the signal."

"Dumbass phone company should cut down the fuckin trees. So what happened last night?"

"Oh, not much. It was quiet, we had a good time."

"That sounds nice."

Levy climbed into the car next to the baby. "We learned all kinds of neato factoids."

"Don't say that stupid shit."

"You got it sweetie. Well listen, we're about to go for a tractor ride, so I should probably get going." A bright orange sports car skidded to a stop behind them, blocking the way out.

"A tractor ride?"

Men with bats and metal pipes got out of the vehicle and circled the police car, banging on the windows, demanding they get out of the cruiser. "What the fuck!" Gray locked the doors.

"What was that?" Droy asked.

"They just tried to start the tractor. I think it backfired."

One of the men climbed onto the hood of the cruiser. "Where the hell is he?"

Gray put up his hands, "Hey, easy, easy! I think we're looking for the same guy!" The thug with spiky yellow hair running down his back swung his pipe at the windshield. "What the hell, man?"

The baby started crying. "What the fuck, Levy? Is that a baby?"

Levy gave a nervous peal of laughter. "Why would there be a baby. We're in a winery. It's a goat."

The thug with a long green clothed ponytail screamed, "Where is he?"

"I don't know what you're talking about!"

Levy hit the metal fence. "Sir, would you please start the tractor so we can get out of here?"

"I'm trying to but we're fucking blocked!"

"What the fuck Levy! What the hell is happening?"

The blonde gave a psychotic grin and smashed the windshield again.

"Hey! There's a baby on board!" Cana screamed at him.

"Someone just said baby!"

"Get out of the car!"

"It's a baby goat!"

Macao walked out of the chapel. "Why you gotta make trouble for my buisness, man? Go away from here, now!"

Ponytail pulled out a gun. "Get out of the fucking car!"

"Oh no, hes got a gun!" Cana began rocking in her seat.

"No shit he's got a gun!" Gray shouted back.

"Ok, I will have to call you back, bye!" Levy ended the call.

Gray stepped on the gas, and ran over Ponytail's foot. Ponytail fell back, and trying to shoot at them, shot Macao.

"OH FUCK HE SHOT MACAO!" Cana screamed as Gray threw the car into reverse.

All three occupants were screaming as Gray smashed into the sports car, then through a bus stop into the road. They swerved into traffic, Gray stomped on the accelerator, and the shot off, back into Vegas.

Levy tried to calm the baby. Then turned back to Gray. "WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON!"

"I have no idea," Gray panted, "But that was some sick shit!"

"Hell yeah!" Cana fist bumped Gray.

Then Levy's phone rang again.

Why don't you just let that one go to voicemail?" Gray suggested.

Levy burst out in forced, sarcastic, loud, obnoxious laughter. A few seconds later, she clarified, for anyone still confused. "That was a fake laugh by the way!"

Cana nodded her head, now understanding.

* * *

A/N: Wow alot happened in this chapter. Anyone recognize the thugs? The doctor and patient were kinda obvious. Anyone should be able to recognize the thugs too though ;)


	5. Chapter 5

A/N: The doc was Porlyursica, the patient was Ooba. The thugs were Bluenote and Zancrow. :)  
Now back to your regularly scheduled programming! (at least as regularly as i can)

* * *

"What room was it again?" Levy strode down the hallway of the small hotel, searching for the room that belonged to Jet, her new husband.

"It's 225." Gray responded, casually throwing his shirt onto one of the housekeeper's carts, completely oblivious of his action.

As they passed room 123, they caught the end of a conversation someone in room 125 was having through the open door, "...no, I already called him, he said he hasn't seen her. No, I have no idea wheres he could be." At that moment, the guy stepped out of the room, and turned to them. His eyes lit up, and he hung up the phone by saying, "Oh, never mind Reedus, I found her."

"Oh, thank god, she's with her mother!" The tall, skinny man rushed over and snatched 'Zharia' out of Cana's arms. "I was freaking out for a second there." He leaned down to Levy, and gave her a deep kiss, "and i missed you too. What the hell happened to you guys?"

"Actually," Gray said with an awkward cough, "We were hoping that you could tell us."

"What do you mean? I woke up this morning, and went to get you all some coffee, and when I got back, you were gone!" Jet began bouncing the baby in his arms. Then he poked Levy in the stomach, "Why you guys being so quiet?"

"I'm not being quiet," Levy pushed his hand away, scooting closer towards Gray for protection.

Jet grabbed Levy's hand and led her inside, "Why don't you guys come in? I gotta feed Shagotte. And i have a couple shirts that might fit you, Gray."

"When did this happen!" Gray shouted, looking down at his bare chest.

Cana turned to Gray, "That's not important! Did you hear what he said? the baby's name is Shagotte. That's such a stupid name."

"Yeah." Gray patted her on the back, directing her into the hotel room, "I thought she looked more like a Zharia too."

Inside the apartment, Jet pulled out a bottle for Shagotte and a beer for Gray. The girls got glasses of iced tea. "Ok, what's up? You guys are acting weird."

Gray took his drink from Jet. "Well, listen, It's Jet, right?"

"Very funny, Gray," he handed Cana and Levy their iced tea.

Gray let Cana snatch away his beer as she gave Jet a reproachful look. "Yeah, Jet, look. You remember Natsu right? Pink ass hair?"

"Of course! He was my best man!"

"Ya see, we can't find him, and we're gettin' a little worried."

"Oh my God!" Jet laughed. "That is so Natsu!"

Levy did a spittake, the iced tea spraying all over Jet's left hand, where her grandmother's holocaust ring was resting. Shagotte immediately began crying, and Jet took to comforting her. Telling her that mommy didn't mean it, they left the room.

"What the fuck, Levy? You gotta hold your shit together. C'mon girl," Gray said under his breath, so Jet couldn't hear him.

"He is wearing my grandmother's ring! The ring I'm going to use to propose to Droy! You remember? My grandmother's holocaust ring? Guys aren't even supposed to wear it!"

"I didn't know they gave out rings during the Holocaust." Cana said, searching through Jet's fridge for another beer.

Jet came back into the room, tossing a shirt at Gray. "Don't worry guys, she's okay. This might be a little tight, but it should fit anyway."

Gray shrugged into the shirt, unable to do the top three buttons. "Oh, thanks. About last night. Do you remember the last time you saw Natsu?"

"Oh, uhhhhhhhh, I haven't seen him since the wedding." Jet began to feed Shagotte.

"The wedding. We can't- ah - do you remember what time that was?" Gray pulled out thier napkin and took a pen off of the coffee table.

"Well, I guess it had to be about one, because after I had to go back to work and finish my shift. Then I headed to the hotel with Shagotte." Jet turned to Cana, "Drinks are in the minifridge under the counter."

"Thanks!" Came from the kitchen.

"You really shouldn't have told her that." Levy once again tried cleaning her glasses.

"Never mind that. Was Natsu with us then?"

"I didn't see Natsu, but that's because when I got there, the room was a wreck, and you all were passed out, so when i got there, I just snuggled up with Levy," he said, winking at her and growling.

"I have a question," Levy raised her hand, "You said when your shift ended. Does that mean you're a nurse? Or a blackjack dealer? Or a worker at McDonalds?" Levy was getting desperate.

"No, silly, you know this. I'm a stripper! Well, technically, I guess my main job is as an escort, but stripping is a great way to meet people. I suppose I also coach track at the local high school and run marathons in my free time, but there's not enough money to call it an acutal job, now is there?"

"Smart!" nodded Gray, looking as if stripping was something he was actually considering.

"Savy." Levy commented dejectedly.

"But that's all in the past, now that I've married a doctor."

"I'm just a teacher."

Cana came back. "I found the beer!"

Said beer splashed all over the floor as the bottles fell from Cana's hands. She ducked behind one of the chairs, hiding from the men who kicked in the door and were now pointing guns around the room. And shouting for everyone to come quietly before there was any trouble.

"So, after we take the depressing mugshots, we take the sad, sorrowful people down here, where these mourning souls wait to be interviewed by the arresting officers. Trust me kids, you do not want to be sitting on these benches of sorrowful feelings." A large officer, wearing a dark green top hat lead a group of children by. He suddenly burst out into tears. "S-s-sorrow! that is the only feeling that poor souls will ever feel ever again! Oh, the sorrow!" He cried, leading the children away.

One of the children decided to stop and take a picture of Cana, who was asking Gray, "How the hell do you think he manages to see with that damn blindfold?"

Then she noticed the camera. Unable to move easily, due to the fact that she was handcuffed to Levy and Gray, she simply kicked it out of the bald child's hand. It went clattering across the police station.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" Levy asked Cana, as the boy continued to give her a death stare through his one rimmed purple glasses, "Don't resort to violence just because he's black!"

Gray hushed them as the police officer came back and rushed the child along. Gray dialed Lucy's number.

"Hey! Lucy! It's Gray."

"Hey Gray. Where are you guys?"

"We are at the spa, at the hotel." He tried to make it not so obvious that he was lying.

"Cool. We're just getting some sun. Is Natsu around?"

"Of course he's around. Why wouldn't he be around?" Gray began to panic.

"Well I'm just wondering why you're calling me."

"Ummmm... you see... we made a deal. No talking to wives or boyfriends or fiance's or anything like that. So, we're all calling each other's." He gave a nervous little laugh.

"Okay. What's up?"

"You are not going to believe this. We got copped another night at the hotel!" He tried to keep his upbeat tone.

"You did?"

"Yeah! It's sweet! Ridiculous! It's outta control! There's like room service, and a butler, just the works. So we figure that we're just gonna spend the extra night here, then come back totally relaxed in the morning."

"You wanna stay an extra night? But the wedding's tomorrow."

"Yeah, that's why we're gonna get up real early, and we'll be back with plenty of time."

"Are you sure that's a good idea?"

"Fullbuster! Alberona! McGarden!" A police officer called from down the hall, "Room 3!"

"Okay, Lucy, I gotta go, we'll talk to you later!"

"Mademoiselles et monsieur! I have some good news, and some bad news!" The police officer adjusted his monocle. "First, the good news! We found your mercedes! It is in impound right now!"

"That's great news! Isn't that great news?" Gray nudged Cana.

"Non non non! You will not inturrupt moi!" He slammed his hands down on the table. "We found it in the middle of Las Vegas," he uttered out those last two words as if they were from some ugly, disgraceful language, "Boulevard!"

"Oh, huh. In the middle? That's weird." Levy mumbled through her fingers, looking towards the table.

"Non non non! It is weird. But that is not all! There is also a note!" He pulled a napkin out of the manila folder, and read, "'Couldn't find a meter, but here's four bucks'." He tossed the note onto the table, right where Levy was staring.

"Now for the bad news." The other cop spoke up, rubbing the bridge of his nose, right where the solid black tattoo bar crossed it, "We can't get you in front of a judge before Monday."

"Officers, that is just impossible. No, we need to be in LA tomorrow for a wedding." Gray was beginning to feel the panic settle in.

"Non non non!" the monocled officer shouted.

"You stole a police car!" the cop with two toned hair slammed their file open.

"We didn't really steal anything. We found it." Levy tried to reason.

"Yeah, if anything, we deserve a reward or something," Cana sipped from the bottle she managed to sneak into the room.

"Non non non, non non non! You stole our car! And now you drink during the interrogation? And strip?" He started preening his green mustache, "I see assholes like you quotidiennement."

"Every FUCKING day! You're all like 'Whooooooo! Let's go to Vegas and get fuckin' hammered outta our fuckin minds! Yeaaahhhhhh! Wooooooooooo! Let's steal a fuckin' cop car becasue it'll be really fuckin' funny!' And you think you're gonna get away with it? Not up in here!"

"Not up in here!"

"Oh. Uh, sir, if i may -" Gray began.

"Monsieur." The officer corrected.

"What?" Gray asked.

"You called me 'sir'. I destest such unrefined titles. You may call me 'Monsieur'."

"It's french for sir." Levy whispered to Gray.

"Ok, Monsieur, I'm going to assume that that squad car belongs to one of the two of you."

"Wi."

"Yeah. Look. I'm not a cop. I'm no hero. I'm a school teacher. And I know if one of my kids went missing, it'd look really bad on me."

"What are you getting at?" the white and black haired cop asked.

"Yeah, Gray, what are you getting at?" Levy asked, her voice strained.

"No one wants to look bad. We gotta get to a wedding. And you guys don't need people talking about how some obnoxious tourists borrowed your squad car last night. The point is, I think we can work something out. Discretely. What do you say?"

The officers looked at each other. Then, the orange clad one slid a piece of paper over to his partner and pointed.

"Wi wi wi. I believe you are correct, monsieur. Would any of you happen to have a heart condition, or something like that?"

The three tourists shook their heads, scared of whatever these officers were planning for them.

"Enfants! You are in for a real treat today! These personnes have volunteered to demonstrate how a stun gun is used!"

As a loud "oohhhh" came from the room full of children, all three of the 'volunteers' asked the same question. "What?"

"Now, there's two ways to use a stun gun. Up close and personal," The officer tased Levy, who went down with a scream. The children erupted in laughter as Gray cursed and the officer continued, "or you can shoot it from a distance. Now do I have any benevoles?"

Every hand in the room immediately shot up. The officer looked around. "You there. With the coral pink hair. Venez ici." A small girl with gold, wing-like headgear strode up to the front of the room.

"You. épuiseur." The man indicated to Cana and Gray.

Cana stepped forward as the officer handed the child the stun gun.

"Non non non! Not you, ivrogne. Him. And you might want to put your shirt back on, this may sting."

But it was too late. As soon as Gray had realized he was once again missing his shirt, he had already been shot. A shout of pain, and 10 seconds later Gray was on the ground, unable to move.

""Oh man! That was beautiful! Right in the nuts!" the orange officer laughed along with the children, "I'd almost say you were aiming there!"

With a sadistic, satisfied smirk, she took her seat.

"It looks like we have one more charge left! Who else would like to go?" All the kids raised their hands. "How 'bout you, blue fur?"

Cana looked at the grinning boy. He took of his pale green jacket with a blue furred collar, revealing a reddish v-neck. He placed the tinted glasses with one lens down in front of his seat. She stepped forward as he took the taser from the officer. Everyone was silent as he pointed it right at Cana. A moment later, and he shot.

"Oh man! Right on her nipples! Both of them!" Everyone in the room burst out in laughter. Cana stumbled around, but did not fall. She stared at the boy, challenge evident in her eyes.

One of the kids screamed as Cana stumbled towards the group. "Non non non! Taire! Taire. This is not a problem. Sometimes, If a person has had enough to drink, it can take a little plus," The officer stopped stroking his mustache long enough to use another taser on Cana, who was out like a light.

"Alright kids, who wants to get their fingerprints done?"

"Fuck those guys! You hear me? I'm telling everyone we stole a cop car!" Levy shouted, indignant that the cops would even think of doing what they did.

"They let us go. Who cares?" Gray asked, sitting on the stoop outside the impound station window.

"I care! You can't just do that! You can't just tase people because you think it's funny! That's - That's police brutality!" Levy, still fuming about the incident, took a deep breath. "I'm getting a soda. Do you guys want anything?"

"A Slurpee."

"Sake."

"I don't think the vending machine will have either of those, but I guess i could check." Levy stalked off around the corner.

"That chick doesn't shut up. God damn." Gray looked at Cana, who had been quiet almost the entire time since they had been let out of the police building. "Cana. You ok?"

"I'm just worried. What if something happened to Natsu? Something bad? I need a drink." She wrung her hands together.

"Oh, come on. You can't think like that." Gray put his hand on her thigh to give her a comforting shake.

"What if he's dead? I can't afford to lose anyone close to me again, it hurts too much." She turned to him. "I was so upset when Gildarts - my papa - died."

"Oh I'm so sorry. How'd he die?"

"Iraq."

"He died in battle?" Gray asked, pulling her into a hug.

"No, he was at a casino in Massachusetts. Springfield, to be exact. But it was during the Iraq war." She said into his chest..

"Cana. Natsu is fine." Gray extracted himself from the embrace.

"Why hasn't he called?"

"I don't know, but we're gonna find out. That retard is to dumb to die. I mean come on. He works as a Fire Breater at festivals. What could possibly be more dangerous?"

"Guess what. The vending machine only had soda." Levy returned, opening her drink, "Tell you another thing. 10:1 odds our car is destroyed."

"Levy, not now." Gray gave her a stern look.

"No, seriously, how much do you want to bet it's messed up beyond all recognition," She took a sip of the carbonated beverage.

"Levy, that's enough." Gray quickly cut her off and got close enough that Cana couldn't hear him, "Cana is seriously worried so try not to freak her out any more."

Levy took a look towards the sulking lush. She walked over, apologizing. "I'm sorry, Cana. You know what? We'll search the car for clues, go pick up Natsu from wherever he is hiding, and everything is going to be okay."

Her apology finished up as the R8 came around the corner, top up, in perfect condition. Gray let out a sigh of relief, "Oh fuck yes."

Levy was not as profane. "Oh god thank you. You see Cana? It's going to turn out alright."

"Anything?" Gray called out from behind the wheel as the two ladies checked the car from clues.

"I found a cigar," Levy answered from shotgun.

"Oh, I found some black shoes," Cana began inspecting them.

"They women's shoes?" Gray looked back in the rearview mirror.

"I don't know." Cana handed the shoes over to Levy.

"It's a men's size six," she stuck her hand into it to see if anything was inside.

"That's weird. Neither flamebrain nor I could ever squeeze into such a small shoe."

"Hey, Levy, catch," Cana flipped something onto Levy's lap.

Levy shrieked at the top of her lungs and flipped it back to her. It bounced off of Cana's face, and she pushed it towards Gray. It landed on his bare shoulder.

"What the hell is it? I can't see it, I'm trying to drive!"

"It's a snakeskin!" Cana used Jet's shirt that Gray had thrown in the back to wipe her face.

"It's a used condom!" Levy shrieked.

"WHAT THE FUCK!" Gray screamed, and the car began swerving down the road as he attempted to flick it off. He finally managed to get it out of the car as they skidded to a stop in an empty parking lot.

"ALRIGHT! WHAT THE FUCK GUYS! WE GOTTA GET OUR SHIT TOGETHER! QUIT THE FUCKING AROUND!" Gray screamed at the two of them, and snatched his shirt away from Cana.

Suddenly, a soft banging came from the trunk. "What was that?"

The banging continued. "It's in the trunk." Levy noticed.

"Doug's in the trunk!" Gray shouted.

All three of them rushed out of the car and to the trunk. Gray fumbled with the keys. "Open it! Open it!" Levy urged.

As soon as the trunk popped open, a naked chinaman latched onto Gray's head and began beating him with a crowbar. Gray threw him off, and he socked Levy in the stomach, then whacked her head with the crowbar. She was down. The small, nude man turned quickly, using his momentum to take a full swing at Gray. He got him in the side of the head, and Gray was out too.

"Woah! Woah! I'm with you!" Cana backed away slowly, looking at her two downed friends.

"You gonna fuck on me?" The chinese man began swinging the crowbar back and forth slowly.

"Nobody's gonna fuck on you! We're on your side! We hate Godzilla! We hate him too! We hate him! He destroys cities! Please!" Cana held up her hands. "This isn't your fault. I'll get you some pants. Everything will be fine."

Instead of calming down, he threw the crowbar as hard as he could. Cana took it right in the forehead, and collapsed to the ground as the chinaman ran as fast as he could out of the lot.

"What the fuck was that?" Gray was struggling to his feet as Cana rolled in pain on the ground.

"I have internal bleeding," Levy was trying to get up to her hands and knees, "Someone call 911."

"That was some fucked up shit." Gray choked out as he crawled over to the car, trying to use it to help him stand. "Who was that guy? He was so fuckin' mean!"

The three of them lay there in pain, unable to get up. Cana spoke first. "Guys, there's something I need to tell you. Last night, on the roof, before we went out, I slipped something in the spades. I fucked up."

"What?"

"You drugged us?"

"No, I didn't drug you, not exactly. At least I didn't mean to. I was told it was ecstasy. I just wanted us all to have a good time!"

"Who the hell told you it was ecstasy!" Gray sat up.

"The guy I bought it from at the liquor store!"

"Why would you give us ecstasy?" Levy was struggling to sit up, not even enough energy to be angry.

"I told you! I just wanted everyone to have a good time! And I knew you guys wouldn't take it. Well, Levy wouldn't. It was just one hit each! One of my drinking buddies used to do three hits a night before we went clubbing!"

Levy's anger began to give her energy, and she got to her knees. "But it wasn't ecstasy, Cana! It was roofies!"

"You think I knew that? You think i tried to fuck everyone up?" Cana leaned against a tire. "The guy I bought it from seemed like he was a real straight shooter!"

"I'm sorry! You mean to tell me that the drug dealer at the liquor store in the middle of Las Vegas wasn't a good guy?"

"Let's just calm down." Gray grabbed the window, and pulled himself up.

"You fucking calm down!" Levy screamed. "He fucking drugged us! I lost a tooth! I married a man-whore!"

"How dare you! He's a nice guy!" Cana screamed at a now standing Levy.

"You are such a fucking moron!"

"Your language is offensive!" Cana rebutted.

"FUCK YOU!"

Gray pushed his way in between them. "Ok, let's just take a deep breath. Think of this as a good thing. At least now we know it wasn't some stranger who drugged us for God knows what reason."

"Yeah!" Cana still couldn't get up.

"Yeah, you're right. Gray, it's totally a good thing. We're so much better off now. Here's something I would like to remind you two of. Our best friend, Natsu, is probably face down in a ditch right now, with a meth-head buttfucking his corpse."

"That's highly unlikely." Cana glanced up to look at them.

"That does not help." Gray reached down to pick up his pants. "Now let's get our shit together guys! Let's go back to the hotel. I'm gonna make a couple calls, maybe slanty-eyes went back there. Maybe he's asleep! Come on! Let's go!"

Cana snapped at Levy and held out her hand. "Levy."

Levy smacked it away, refusing to help her up. "Shut up."

Cana rolled over, and got on her hands and knees. Levy swung the car door open. The door slammed Cana right on top of her head, and she fell back down.

"Oh my god. Cana, I'm sorry. Oh my god, are you ok? Here, let me help you, come on." Levy helped the injured girl into the car before climbing in herself.

* * *

A/N: What do we have this time? 3 officers, Two Children, and the one that raped Gray's face? Don't guess on the last one, you'll never get it. ;)

Sorry about the notes at the beginning too, I usually don't like them there, so readers can get right into the story and skip them at the end if they want to, but I think I'm gonna put the character reveals there. Sorry!

Wow this chapter is a lot later than I had planned for. Finally started Wind Waker again, SMT IV, senior pics taking all day because the photographers are 2 1/2 hours behind, physical therapy, yardwork, losing my copy of the Hangover (had to go find another) and telling me that i could not upload stories because I did not confirm the guidelines or something (which i had to do to upload the other 4 chapters), and reading amazing fanfics by other authors all took up my time. And i still haven't started any of my summer work! You guys are lucky some guy ripped me and I can't get a ps3, or I might even be playing the last of us instead of writing! (naw, i'd still uptade on time:))/#


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